Holy crap.

Holy crap have the last couple of weeks sucked. Sorry for the ensuing dump of potentially crappy feelings.

So I started a full time position recently working nights. I chose to take this job over the one I had previously since it had more hours and a regular schedule. The night shift is 9pm-7am, four nights a week. It’s nice to have three day weekends, but holy crap to I feel awful during the week. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still getting used to being on my feet for at least 8 hours a day. Or maybe I’m getting used to being up all night and sleeping during the day time. I am hoping it’s just a matter of getting used to it, though, ’cause my weekdays have been exhausting and boring so far. I get home from work and feel too wiped to do much. This has made writing a real struggle. As you may have noticed there was no post last week and this one is a few days late. I was hoping to have a post about something other than boring real life crap for today but I’ve been too wiped to get anything written.

I’ve been feeling pretty depressed these past few weeks as well. Before last month I had been looking for work for seven months and unable to find anything. The jobs I managed to find recently have been fine, but they’ve been in my home town which is something I’ve been trying to avoid. I get very bored here and it frustrates me that the only work I have been getting has been here. I tried moving to another city last year and the few months I was there felt so exciting. I was really happy. I wasn’t able to find work, though, and had to move home. Now, the only work I seem to be able to get is at home. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had planned to live here but I keep setting goals for myself that are proving almost impossible to achieve. At the moment, I’d like to move to a city not too far from home. I’ve lived there before and really enjoyed it. There’s a lot more to do there, there’s more of a fine arts scene and more people to meet. There are a lot more events to go to, etc. Overall, I just feel happier living in a larger community. I also feel a lot more independant when I don’t have to live with my parents. I don’t have much privacy here which is extra stressful I don’t know if it’s a terrible economy or if my resume is no good, but I just haven’t been able to find anything else. I’m still trying, and hoping things will turn around, but it’s been a really frustrating year. At the moment, I just feel like I have very little control over my life. I have to live with my family, I have to work in my home town, I don’t get to make choices about where I live or what I do. And now my creative work, which I should have complete control over, feels like it’s suffering because I feel too tired to write most days.

So I guess the point of this post is that a whole lot of emotional stress has now been combined with physical exhaustion and it’s made being creative extra difficult. It’s good to have a steady paycheck, but I’m hoping my body will adjust to this schedule soon because it’s rough only feeling functional two days out of the week. My current goals are to move to the city, get a day job, and feel like I have energy again. Hopefully things turn around soon.

My apologies for a mopey post. I promised myself I would write every day and post every week, so this is what I had to write today. Sometimes it’s nice to vent. I promise next week there will be something more interesting here. Probably going to post on Sundays instead of Fridays from here on out.

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