End of the Year

All jokes aside about 2016 being a dumpster fire and all that stuff, this past year has been pretty rough for me. It started with being forced to move back in to my parents house. This made me feel like a total failure because I had just moved to a city that I really loved and was so happy and excited to be there. Then I struggled to find work for months and months until I wound up at an okay job. That job was on the graveyard shift, though, and exhausted me physically and emotionally. So I switched to the day shift and wound up in one of the most poorly run, exhausting, and stressful positions I have ever had. Then I finally got a job I kind of enjoyed, but was fired within a week for some pretty flimsy reasons. So now, I’m back where I started. Living at home without a job, wanting to be able to live on my own again.

The year wasn’t totally without positives though. I got my first payed film editing job. I’m almost finished it and it’s been a really great experience. I wrote a lot this year and discovered some things about myself as a writer that I think are going to help my writing in a huge way. I’ve made some new friends and learned a lot of new things. It’s tough to remember a lot of that though since I’m constantly reminded about the negatives. Not having steady work is something I constantly think about. I’ve struggled a lot with loneliness this year for reasons I won’t get into here. Life has just felt very frustrating and in a lot of ways depressing.

The reason I’m making this post is to kind of explain one final thing. After film school I made it my goal to finish one film every year. I struggle with procrastination enough as it is, but this year got pretty bad because I felt extra distracted by everything above. In the summer of 2015 I started shooting a documentary about my late, great uncle Bruce. It got back shelved for a while when I tried to move to Edmonton, and I picked it up again this past summer. I worked on it very little over the year for two reasons. One, all of the chaos of trying to get life in order, and two, the project changed half way through and I started to feel a bit discouraged about it. I wasn’t sure if I would have time to finish it the way I should (I don’t feel I have done that) and this made me unsure if I should count it as my 2016 project. I decided to push through, though, and finish what I could with what I had. So I finished what is currently called “Bruce Carnahan: Part 1.” It’s not a final cut. I’ve decided that’s okay, though, since it’s hopefully going to be a part of a much larger film, or series of films, depending. It’s not my best work, but it’s what I was able to produce during a really emotionally tough year. I am going to try to enter 2017 with a much more positive attitude and drive. I’m hoping things will turn around in a lot of ways to help keep that attitude up. In the mean time I am planning a podcast with a friend who will also be helping me organize a film festival. I’m going to keep writing and will hopefully finish a few plays. I am also hoping to shoot a larger documentary project with much more meticulous planning and hopefully less major snags. I’m changing some old habits and not letting myself procrastinate, and not taking planning ahead for granted anymore. I think it’s going to be a much better year than 2016. For now, here’s the aforementioned film. Thanks for dropping by, and here’s to a much better, happier, and more productive year!

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